Category Archive: sex

Intersex awareness day: Thinking outside the box

This is an extract of a longer article available at the Intersex Day Project. Twenty years ago, Morgan Holmes, Max Beck and friends demonstrated as “Hermaphrodites with Attitude” outside a conference in Boston, and I had no idea. It wasn’t the start of intersex activism, but it was the first public demonstration that intersex people …

Safer sexting: Abstinence isn’t the only way

Our breakup had been awkward but civil. I was confident that in a few months we could begin a friendship and the subtle bitterness he felt for me would begin to fade. I exited the relationship with my long-distance boyfriend feeling sad but healthy and excited for the future. It wasn’t until a few weeks …

Non-penetrative sex: Shame, heteronormativity and climaxing without the destination

After I had penetrative sex for the first time, I did not feel whole. Not in the way the young adult pulp fiction I furtively devoured as a pre-pubescent tomboy promised me I would. Nor did I feel more like a woman. Not in the way a flower blooms, tilting towards the sun when a …

Culture Clash: Exploring cultural and sexual identities from Zimbabwe to Australia

When I was your age…” was how my Zimbabwean mother would often begin her lecture-sermons. “If God were to see you now,” she would say, in her rich and powerful African accent, and I’d know I was in for a long one. For many children growing up in the western world, the delivery of life lessons with a …

Sexuality and identity: More than labels

Flicking through the pages of a magazine like Archer, it’s surprising to think that there was a time when sex was taboo. Sex has since come to make up a large portion of our identity. Sex was once purely seen as something you did – an act, but now, sex has become who we are. …

Polyamory: The everyday realities of being in love with two people at once

I was 35 when I met my wife.  Madelina was dazzling and charming and utterly refreshing, not to mention 11 years my junior – a cute and sexy pastime, I imagined. Except that when I met her, I had a girlfriend.  Ruth and I had been together only two months or so.  She initially asked …

Feeding my desire: Intimacy and breastfeeding

I have always been fascinated by lactation. By breasts, breastmilk, the art of feeding.  As a queer person being raised in a fundamentalist Christian home, I’d gotten used to hiding such bizarre anomalies about myself. But in March 2008, the canopy concealing this unusual prepossession (even from myself), was blown wide open by a person …

Religion, sex and polyamory: A cross to bear

“MUM, WHAT ARE BUTT-PLUGS FOR?” my 12-year-old son asks at the dinner table. I yelp at the question before admitting I’m curious myself. “Some of those things are huge,” says my 20-year-old stepdaughter, helping herself to another serving of Caesar salad and recounting her recent excursion to a sex-toy shop, to “satisfy her curiosity”. Later, as I clear …

Butt politics: The complexities of anal sex

But I want it! I want it! I want it! He chanted like a prayer, even though his fear of the pain was enormous… The head of Fred’s cock pushed carefully into the sphincter. Slowly, lovingly, tenderly. And still Horst just couldn’t endure it. A wave of feelings swept through his body: fear, shame,anger… Since he couldn’t get a grip …

Sex sells toys: Gendered marketing in the world of adult toys

I needed to give myself a good pep talk before going to a sex store for the first time.   I knew that buying my first sex toy wouldn’t be something I’d regret, I just needed to expel the image of the stereotypical person who went into sex stores looked like. I didn’t feel like …

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The Australian journal of sexual diversity.