Category Archive: sex

Opening up a relationship: Compersion, insecurity and ethical non-monogamy

Sunday morning and I’m sitting at the table in the Melbourne house I bought with Mojo, my partner of seven years. Our two cats groom each other in the sunlight. A Subaru is parked in the driveway. We tick all the boxes of middle-class lesbian cliché, although I’m a stripper and she’s a musician, so …

Tilly Lawless: Making space as a sex worker

She asks me: “How do lesbians have sex?” Just five minutes ago we had shared a cock together, looking up between mouthfuls to laugh with our eyes in joyful collusion at the client’s expense. I’m slightly shocked that in her years of working, she’s never come across a “real lesbian”, as she calls me; that …

PrEP revolution: Shame, class and bareback sex

I keep interrupting him to ask if the condom is still on. He pauses for a second. “Yeah dude, I’ll let you know if it comes off.” We started speaking on Grindr two hours ago and now I’m in his apartment in Carlton North, long hairy legs sprawled open around his neck. Something about the …

Rape jokes and dealing with trauma

Rape jokes and dealing with trauma

Content warning: this article discusses rape, trauma, and ways of healing. In April, I had the immense privilege of performing my one-woman-show Every Orgasm I Have Is A Show Of Defiance To My Rapist in the West End of London. I’ve also written a column of the same name detailing how I sexually healed from …

Asexual and aromantic: Redefining the normalcy of sex and desire

My parents didn’t let me start dating until I was in university. Terrified of disappointing them, I waited until I was eighteen and in my first year of undergrad. Up until that point, the gender of a person didn’t sway my attraction to them, so I assumed I was attracted to all genders. I hadn’t …

Losing your father, finding yourself: David H’s story

  This story was first published on Staying Negative, a website that aims to emotionally engage and inspire gay/bisexual men, including trans men, through the sharing of personal stories. Read more about how you can share your story here. I grew up in Auckland, which is the biggest city in New Zealand. A week ago it …

Sex on the spectrum: Neurodivergence, misogyny and Autism Spectrum Disorder

I didn’t kiss anyone, sexually, until I was twenty. I’m not trying to say this is woefully late in life. Missing the boat on teen sex is not tragic. At twenty, my first kiss was a hit-and-run encounter. We had limited time. We were hidden under a tree with the usual adrenalines of immature love, …

Archer Asks: Samantha X, author and sex worker

Samantha X is a British-born, Australian-based, journalist-turned-escort-turned-writer who now also manages her own escort service, Samantha X Angels. When not juggling her own business and client-base, Samantha is frequently sought by the media  for her pundit insight into the much maligned and misunderstood sex worker trade.  SE: What makes a good client? SX: What makes a good client is reliability, seemingly a …

Non-binary fantasy and the erotics of Daddy/son play

The first Daddy of my trip lives just outside of Miami. I have lunch at his home one sticky Floridian afternoon in the heart of Summer. He lives off the grid in a large commune. In the shade of a lychee tree, he prepares mango, coconut and guava for me from his impressive, self-sustained backyard. My …

Sexual intimacy after sexual assault

Content warning: This article discusses sexual violence and assault.   In 2014, I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a male friend, Alan* over a four month period. At the time, I had been with my partner, Sam* for four years, but I was afraid to confide in him about what was going on. Predominantly, I …

The socio-sexual landscape of scars

If you were to Google my story, you would find some lovely photographs exhibiting some “hideous” scars that make up 70-80% of my torso, front and back. I was told that I was lucky that the scars can be hidden by clothing and that my handsome face was left unmaligned. These battle scars are detritus …

Sex, drugs and yeah, we get it: Music journalism in the age of identity politics

Australian music journalist Jimi Kritzler once asked “homo American punk band” Hunx and his Punx’ singer Seth Bogart a question that would change my career for ever. Jimi asked “If Hunx and his Punx were an STD, what would it be?” Seth answers “HIV AIDS. I want to be the biggest sexually transmitted disease.” Rapidly, …

Outside, looking in: sex at 65

Pushing 65 years old, I seem to carry about with me that feeling you might have if you arrive at a party and discover that it’s over. Yet in the detritus left behind, you see the ghosts of all you have missed. Or, the party is still going on and you’re stuck outside, only able …

Bodywork: The erotic art of wellbeing, embodiment and somatic sexology

Pleasure moved from his genitals and expanded further throughout his body. He was surprised about the amount of sensation he was feeling erotically. He felt his body had been awoken. He had never experienced erotic sensations anywhere other than his genitals before and bodywork opened his mind up. Days later, he reports that, after masturbating, he …

Learning to be selfish: The quest for a fulfilling sex life as a 43 year old Uruguayan woman

Right around the time when I discovered masturbation, me, my sister, and my cousin found a VHS copy of Caligula. This was the late 80s, so, porn was really hard to come by, especially if you were a girl. To be honest, I don’t remember much about Caligula. My ex was a big fan, but …

Versatile tricks: transitioning as a sex worker

When the average American girl turns 18, she typically does one of a few things to celebrate: smoke, binge-drink, or maybe hang out with older men. The day I turned 18, however, I was skipping school to meet a submissive with my pockets full of partially-eaten Snickers minis, birthday money from my grandma, and a …

Painful love: Sex, disability and vaginismus

I lost my virginity at the age of twenty-eight. I hadn’t planned on waiting that long, but I did always plan on waiting till the right man came along. It just took longer than expected. I was glad I waited, because it was everything I had expected. Four years down the line and we are …

Oral sex and the pleasures of eating out

Growing up in the Church in Queensland in the 80s, no one ever mentioned oral sex. It was always penis in vagina. Pastors only wanted to discuss intercourse in their fire and brimstone sermons. But when I think about my own carnal life, the deep, wet truth of oral sex is what stands out. My …

Sex and fluids: Navigating bodily secretions

Doesn’t everyone remember their first time? Good, bad or ugly, we are socialised to remember it, and expected to. I can’t remember my first time, but I do remember the feeling: the stickiness that told me it wasn’t her cum. The grainy feeling under my nails that wasn’t her wetness. The colour crimson, bright, bold …

Pole dancing: Ageism, skilfulness and finding sexiness in sport

Most people are surprised when I tell them I do pole. There is nothing edgy about me. I don’t dye my hair, don’t have fake lashes, tattoos or piercings. I don’t even wear makeup and I hate G-strings. You’ll never see me in skintight clothes, short skirts or see-through tops. This is perhaps what people …

Porn: On regulation, censorship, and education in the wake of Prop 60

As porn increasingly takes the place of traditional sex education, instead of looking inwards to create better public and school sexual health initiatives, legislators are scrambling to regulate and censor porn. This creates a culture which further demonises and stigmatises porn despite its widespread audiences, all the while continuing to leave young adults in the …

Life under shadow: Exploring bisexuality as an Arab-Australian

Bodies are like houses. Some are big and wide, some small and cosy, some old and broken. Like houses, bodies come in all shapes and colours, and we’re all conditioned to be judgmental about them: where we live, where we’ve come from, and the associated privilege of a postcode. More than that, our bodies, our homes, are the …

Sexuality - Gender - Identity