Category Archive: sex

Asexuality and the politics of memory, abuse and consent

I had sex for the first time when I was sixteen. My boyfriend and I had a hotel for the weekend. The first night he set up candles and turned down the lights. It was respectably romantic. I faked a headache. At this point we had been dating for nearly a year and I had …

“Writing had been my vice all along”: Louis’ Story

This story was first published on Staying Negative, a website that aims to emotionally engage and inspire gay/bisexual men, including trans men, through the sharing of personal stories. Read more about how you can share your story here. Content note: this story discusses mental health and suicide.   I was born and raised in Melbourne. Even before …

Cruising: Public sex and the queer resistance to gay assimilation

He’s been paddling in the pool for 20 minutes, locking eyes with every member of the water polo team. I’m reclining by the edge of the water with my shirt unbuttoned. When he gets out to sit on the grass, I get up slowly and walk towards the showers. A few minutes later, he follows me …

Opening up a relationship: Compersion, insecurity and ethical non-monogamy

Sunday morning and I’m sitting at the table in the Melbourne house I bought with Mojo, my partner of seven years. Our two cats groom each other in the sunlight. A Subaru is parked in the driveway. We tick all the boxes of middle-class lesbian cliché, although I’m a stripper and she’s a musician, so …

Tilly Lawless: Making space as a sex worker

She asks me: “How do lesbians have sex?” Just five minutes ago we had shared a cock together, looking up between mouthfuls to laugh with our eyes in joyful collusion at the client’s expense. I’m slightly shocked that in her years of working, she’s never come across a “real lesbian”, as she calls me; that …

PrEP revolution: Shame, class and bareback sex

I keep interrupting him to ask if the condom is still on. He pauses for a second. “Yeah dude, I’ll let you know if it comes off.” We started speaking on Grindr two hours ago and now I’m in his apartment in Carlton North, long hairy legs sprawled open around his neck. Something about the …

Rape jokes and dealing with trauma

Rape jokes and dealing with trauma

Content warning: this article discusses rape, trauma, and ways of healing. In April, I had the immense privilege of performing my one-woman-show Every Orgasm I Have Is A Show Of Defiance To My Rapist in the West End of London. I’ve also written a column of the same name detailing how I sexually healed from …

Asexual and aromantic: Redefining the normalcy of sex and desire

My parents didn’t let me start dating until I was in university. Terrified of disappointing them, I waited until I was eighteen and in my first year of undergrad. Up until that point, the gender of a person didn’t sway my attraction to them, so I assumed I was attracted to all genders. I hadn’t …

Losing your father, finding yourself: David H’s story

  This story was first published on Staying Negative, a website that aims to emotionally engage and inspire gay/bisexual men, including trans men, through the sharing of personal stories. Read more about how you can share your story here. I grew up in Auckland, which is the biggest city in New Zealand. A week ago it …

Sex on the spectrum: Neurodivergence, misogyny and Autism Spectrum Disorder

I didn’t kiss anyone, sexually, until I was twenty. I’m not trying to say this is woefully late in life. Missing the boat on teen sex is not tragic. At twenty, my first kiss was a hit-and-run encounter. We had limited time. We were hidden under a tree with the usual adrenalines of immature love, …

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Sexuality - Gender - Identity