Category Archive: sex

Sex in public: keeping parties fun, queer, and safe

Over the past year, I’ve found my party second wind. After a few years of being horrified at the thought of going out two or three times a week, suddenly I won’t consider anything less. As a result, I go to a lot of different parties. Gay parties, lesbian parties, queer parties. Parties in warehouses, …

Good girl, bad boy: can we neutralise gender in dirty talk?

The words ‘good girl’ shoot through me like ice water, I feel cold, my muscles start to contract inward, and my face contorts into an angry snarl. My hands try to form into fists but I grab his ankles instead, something solid I can hold onto, something to stop me from pulverizing my lover with …

Feminist pornography: beyond the male gaze

As an industry, mainstream pornography is directed towards the consumption of the heterosexual, cisgender male viewer. Scenes often involve male dominance, unrealistic depictions of sex, hypersexual women, inauthentic representations of lesbian sexuality, and a lack of diversity in ethnicity, identity, and body shapes. By catering purely towards male gratification, the pornography industry disregards over half …

Sex and desire in the writing of Christos Tsiolkas

From pornography to incest, from prison rape to anonymous sex, the stories collected in Christos Tsiolkas’s new collection Merciless Gods are characteristically unflinching. Drawn from throughout his career, they explore and engage with transgressive aspects of human desire, and with sexual encounters which are categorised as taboo or rarely acknowledged. The presence of sex is …

Vaginismus: My secret about sex

I can still recall the first time I tried to insert a tampon. Locking myself in the bathroom, I pulled out the Carefree leaflet and carefully studied the instructions. Was I supposed to push in and up or…? How far was far enough? What if I missed and pushed it into my urethra or it …

Deafness and sexuality: out of the darkness

I have never heard an orgasm. This isn’t exactly one of the highest items on my bucket list. Still, it does creep into my thoughts – usually when I’m in the middle of the act – and I wonder if sound really does enhance the experience. I wonder a lot of things. I’m 30 and …

The joy of polyamory

The joy of polyamory

In my first year at university, I developed a major crush on a man. He didn’t appear to return it. Seven years later, he was married with children, and I was good friends with him and his wife. He and I had dinner one night and ended up kissing. We weren’t prepared for the torrent …

Sex addiction: Insatiable

Sex addiction: Insatiable

Do you get high from sex/romance? Does your sexual/romantic behaviour affect your reputation? These are two of the 40 questions on the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) website for self-diagnosis. The questions are broad and often contradictory (Do you keep a list of partners you have had? Have you lost count of the number of …

Back from the brink: sex and grieving

CAREY AND I had been laughing together for four years when we made the big commitment. She was fun, active, smart and compassionate. I loved her, so marrying her was easy. Kids came along and, as I had expected, she was the kind of mum that read stories at bedtime, put ‘I love you’ notes …

SlutWalk: A protest against rape culture

LIKE THOSE IT marches for, SlutWalk is a diverse movement. You don’t have to fit any particular mould to join — not least because ‘slut’ is used against women so loosely the word has lost much of its meaning (though not all of its bite). It’s up to the individual whether they want to reclaim …

The Australian journal of sexual diversity.