Category Archive: coming out

School’s out: Catholic schools and the Sex Discrimination Act

It’s been ten years since I finished school. A decade since I definitively declared “School’s out for summer, school’s out forever”. Between that day, the beginning of the rest of my life, and now, I came out. Returning to my Catholic high school in Sydney’s inner west to see what had changed, I expected better …

Ace up my sleeve: Coming out as asexual

What does it mean to come out as asexual? What does it mean to identify as something that is essentially an absence? This is what I am thinking about, seven years into a happy straight-passing relationship with a cis-het man. It would be easy to continue in this relationship without coming out: just go on, …

Coming out when the labels don’t fit

It took me 25 years to come out the first time. I didn’t consciously know I was queer for a long time, so it didn’t really feel like I was ‘holding it in’ until I finally came out and thought, “wow, where’s that weird sense of indefinable tension that I’ve been carrying around for literally …

Bisexuality and coming out over and over again

In 1998 I rode with the Dykes on Bikes at the Brisbane Pride March. I had just got my bike licence and riding in the parade had been a dream of mine for many years. I had a pissy little Virago 250 and it was dusty and scratched up. I was nervous about how big …

Relationship hierarchies: Defending queer friendships, community and being single

During the marriage postal survey, I was drowning in a sea of talk about relationship coupledom and romance. Even in my poly subcultures, I often struggle to relate to the competitive search and play for multiple catches in the little dating pool. Queerness is often imagined as existing through coupledom. When I was first trying …

Coming out twice, and being a lesbian in 2018

There are several problems with being a writer: one is that you’re convinced everyone cares about what you have to say, and another is that even if your opinion or situation changes, your words are there on the internet, available for anyone to read or find when they Google your name. Around three years ago, …

Coming out in my Greek Orthodox family: Rejecting the sexless heterosexual

Television is America. America is sex. And sex, of course, is the biggest sin of them all. Those were the reasons my parents gave me for prohibiting the viewing of Sesame Street in our home. I was raised in the church by my ultra-Greek Orthodox parents, and I remember from a young age feeling at …

Smug. That is how I felt in my marriage. I was almost 36 when Paul and I met randomly at a bar in Brisbane. I figured that I must have applied the right amount of patience and discernment, because the alchemy of my relationship with Paul had resulted in a near perfect mix of respect, …

Boi wonder: Hinduism, transness and masculine anger

My very first images of masculinity and femininity came from the pictures that hung in my family’s prayer area, inside a small hallway closet with doors that opened like an accordion. Inside I saw gods and goddesses, either balanced on one leg in a dance pose, or standing with their palms together in prayer. At six …

The whiteness of ‘coming out’: culture and identity in the disclosure narrative

It’s been eight years since I first kissed a boy, and two since gender loosened its grip on me, yet I never came out to my father. I’ve made my peace with never coming out to him, or the rest of my extended family, for that matter. For someone straddling two cultures, this is a …

“The only Asian deaf gay guy in Melbourne”: Alvin’s story

This story was first published on Staying Negative, a website that aims to emotionally engage and inspire gay/bisexual men, including trans men, through the sharing of personal stories. I was born and grew up in Hong Kong. When I was a few months old, my mum found out that I couldn’t hear anything when she …

Straddling the gender binary: Clothes don’t maketh the man

It had taken my boss three weeks to comment on my new look. I was glad she liked my shoes, because although I’d only owned office-appropriate heels for a few weeks, I’d dreamed of wearing them for more than 20 years. This is me now. Rewind a couple of years, and this personal unveiling would have seemed like …

Coming out: Tips for parents and families of gay kids

I’LL ADMIT, I can be an impulsive person. That particular personality streak is likely the reason I came out to my parents over Thanksgiving dinner, back in 1998. I was 17, and although it may seem like a bold move to an outsider, for me it was simply a panic-induced, impulsive reveal – “Mom, Dad, I’m bisexual!” …

Beyond the coming out narrative: The transphobia the media doesn’t represent

On International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia, it’s important to consider how the representations of homophobia and transphobia in our news and fictional media are impacting how we view these issues, and how they affect queer youth. The way we position trans youth in relation to their families paints a particularly one dimensional narrative. In …

Asexuality: Coming out as ace

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others. It doesn’t mean not having sex at all – in fact, many asexual people do have sex, and some enjoy it. Being asexual – or ‘ace’, as some of us call it – refers to a lack of sexual attraction, not activity. I first knew there …

Policing visibility: Binaries, bisexuality and intra-LGBT exclusivity

For a long time, I thought self-acceptance of my own bisexuality was enough. No one asked me for a label and I experienced very little overt discrimination. I toyed with the idea of telling my folks early on, but an older lesbian friend of mine advised against it. She knew that coming out to family …

Betraying my lesbian self: Coming to terms with never coming out

Chances are, my parents knew something was up. The day after Mum told us she was leaving Dad, we went for a miserable walk – just the two of us. In that blank sadness, a shot of adrenalin hit me when she said: ‘and maybe soon you can start talking to me about what’s going …

Archer Asks: Magda Szubanksi on sexuality, family and her memoir ‘Reckoning’

Following the release of her memoir, Reckoning, actor and comedian Magda Szubanski chats to us about sexuality, creativity and family. This article was originally published in Archer Magazine #5, buy your copy here. A: When was the first time you saw a gay or lesbian character that you identified with in a positive way? MS: …

Coming out, coming hard: An excerpt from ‘Coming Out Like a Porn Star: Essays on Pornography, Protection and Privacy’

“Porn Star Runs for Lord Mayor,” the headlines said, alongside a photograph of me in fuchsia and black latex with a hot pink PVC flogger. If I was going to come out, I may as well do it in style. I’m quite sure my parents knew all along. I started taking my clothes off in …

Coming out straight-ish

Coming out straight-ish

Most of you are probably familiar with coming out stories, the emotional rollercoaster of publicly admitting, “I’m different.” This is a different kind of coming out story. This is a story about shifting sexual identity and about telling my queer community, “I’m different.” When I finally admitted to myself that I am attracted to women …

Opening the closet on LGBTI people in heavy industries

There is a significant lack of discussion about LGBTI identities within heavy industries, such as mining, construction, oil and gas. Should this change? Over the years I’ve spent investigating the role of gender in the resource industries for research consultancy Factive, I have met many queer people. I have been approached by human resources personnel …

Sexuality - Gender - Identity