Category Archive: relationships

Face to face with my queer hero, Carlos Celdran

“Cruel mothers are still mothers… are humans. Who sometimes give birth to their pain. Instead of children.” Nayyirah Waheed wrote these verses in a poem titled hate, and I wonder if that is what being Filipino means to me. I grew up in a three-bedroom house in an upper-middle-class suburb, with a Brother I was …

Sexual intimacy after sexual assault

Content warning: This article discusses sexual violence and assault.   In 2014, I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a male friend, Alan* over a four month period. At the time, I had been with my partner, Sam* for four years, but I was afraid to confide in him about what was going on. Predominantly, I …

Celebrating queer friendships: Ditch the internet strangers and date your mates

On a cold Melbourne night, wrapped in my discounted woollen coat, I make pre-kiss conversation with a cute boy. We’re on a wooden bench on Gertrude Street, the commission flats rising behind us, trams ambling past and our eyes running away from one another as we play the first date version of cat-and-mouse. The eventual …

Non-hierarchical polyamory: Stepping off the relationship escalator

In June 2015, when same sex marriage was made legal in all US states, it was a turning point in the international fight for rights and recognition of queer relationships – indeed, my fiancee and I found our fervour for such structure doubled in the hope that it was closer than ever to being possible …

Outside, looking in: sex at 65

Pushing 65 years old, I seem to carry about with me that feeling you might have if you arrive at a party and discover that it’s over. Yet in the detritus left behind, you see the ghosts of all you have missed. Or, the party is still going on and you’re stuck outside, only able …

Learning to be selfish: The quest for a fulfilling sex life as a 43 year old Uruguayan woman

Right around the time when I discovered masturbation, me, my sister, and my cousin found a VHS copy of Caligula. This was the late 80s, so, porn was really hard to come by, especially if you were a girl. To be honest, I don’t remember much about Caligula. My ex was a big fan, but …

Gender, fashion, and family: Generation gaps

Ever since I was very young, I noticed that the feelings I was having about my identity, my body and my gender, were not being echoed by the wider culture. For years, I have turned over ideas in my head, like: if gender is socially constructed, why does it feel so starkly relevant and present? Why …

“The only Asian deaf gay guy in Melbourne”: Alvin’s story

This story was first published on Staying Negative, a website that aims to emotionally engage and inspire gay/bisexual men, including trans men, through the sharing of personal stories. I was born and grew up in Hong Kong. When I was a few months old, my mum found out that I couldn’t hear anything when she …

Motherhood and sex: Navigating post-birth desire

Ejaculating milk from my nipples during orgasm was not something I can say I expected, while I was expecting. It was a rainy afternoon during my third trimester and, without even aiming, I shot my partner straight in the eye. Fortunately, unlike semen, breast milk doesn’t sting and there was no burning or redness. In …

Intimacy and Anxiety: Natural Enemies

The clouds are grey and heavy, compressing the ground and my mood with their weight. I’m sitting by an electric heater, drinking pale ale, in Eleanor Dark’s studio at Varuna, in Katoomba, where she herself sat and wrote, trying to find uninterrupted time to write amongst the demands of work and home. I’ve put aside …

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The Australian journal of sexual diversity.