Category Archive: relationships

Drag king spaces in Sydney: Remember the King

I used to live diagonally opposite the Sly Fox Hotel on Enmore Road in Newtown, in a decrepit one-bedroom apartment above the local chicken joint. Back then, Wednesday nights in Sydney’s inner west were known as Dyke Night, during which groups of women weaved their way along the congested sidewalks, as bars and pubs hosted lesbian-targeted …

Hair and identity: Developing a femme aesthetic of queer diaspora

When I was 17, I cut off all my hair for the first time. I was freshly out of high school, freshly queer, and thrilled by the promise of finding queer community at university. I remember nervously holding my own gaze in the mirror as a hairdresser, with a magenta undercut and pierced septum, asked …

Opening up a relationship: Compersion, insecurity and ethical non-monogamy

Sunday morning and I’m sitting at the table in the Melbourne house I bought with Mojo, my partner of seven years. Our two cats groom each other in the sunlight. A Subaru is parked in the driveway. We tick all the boxes of middle-class lesbian cliché, although I’m a stripper and she’s a musician, so …

Boi wonder: Hinduism, transness and masculine anger

My very first images of masculinity and femininity came from the pictures that hung in my family’s prayer area, inside a small hallway closet with doors that opened like an accordion. Inside I saw gods and goddesses, either balanced on one leg in a dance pose, or standing with their palms together in prayer. At six …

Misgendering cisgender: androgyny and the defaulting of masculinity

When I realised the man in the bed next to mine thought I was a cisgender man, I thought it might be safer to play along, in case his reaction to the truth wasn’t positive. Worst case scenario, he could turn violent or aggressive. Even though he showed me no aggression whatsoever, I was instantly …

Metrosexuality: Effeminacy, aesthetics and toxic masculinity

“You faggot, may god damn you. Alas, life is nearing end.” I will never forget these exact words from a Facebook comment, written tauntingly on a picture of a person who looked neither masculine nor feminine. What upset me was not only the comment’s homophobic language, but the fact that the man who commented is …

Yes and no: Priorities of queer resistance and the gay agenda

On the morning the yes results were released, my friends and I were running late to the State Library because we had to drop my boyfriends kids at school, get coffee and have some time to sing to Tracy Chapman. We were stressed and fielding everyone else’s anxious texts and trying to figure out if …

Protest, marriage equality and the future of activism

I am on the train, making my way to the marriage equality rally at the State Library. Scrolling through Facebook, I see that Premier Daniel Andrews has posted in support of the march. Foolishly, I begin to read the comments. ‘Let’s hope when they get it they will get out of our faces for good,’ …

Asexual and aromantic: Redefining the normalcy of sex and desire

My parents didn’t let me start dating until I was in university. Terrified of disappointing them, I waited until I was eighteen and in my first year of undergrad. Up until that point, the gender of a person didn’t sway my attraction to them, so I assumed I was attracted to all genders. I hadn’t …

Femme domination and the pleasures of wearing a strap on

I was sexually active for ten years before I donned a dick. It wasn’t that I was adversely opposed to doing so, and more that I was never given the opportunity to explore this aspect of my sexual identity. I spent the first five of those ten years engaging with cis men, all of whom …

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The Australian journal of sexual diversity.